You may have noticed I have been taking things a bit slower here these last months. And for someone who used to post something twice a week that’s saying something! First, if you’re wondering: no, I am not getting tired of the blog, I’m not tired of showing beautiful pictures of happy couple and wonderful weddings. The reason of this lower frequency of posts is beyond my will: there’s 24 hours per day and I have about 5 hours in total of “free” time. Now in those 5 hours, put breakfast, lunch & dinner breaks, showers, laundry + all basic activities. Done? Well, you get more or less how much time I have left for myself, and I am not ashamed to say I often use it to rest. What happened to me is simply what happens to many of us someday: a baby!
This post is to share a bit of our new life with you. I don’t mean to be complaining… But I have to say I am. I am complaining all the time. Because the baby’s moaning for no apparent reason, because he won’t play on his own (is it really expecting too much from a 4 months old?); it’s a long list. But when he finally goes to sleep and the house is quiet, I start missing him so much I feel like crying. I don’t know if that’s normal, it sure sounds weird to me, but I guess that’s what being a mum is.
I remember I was kind of scared when I was pregnant. I’ve always wanted kids, that’s for sure, but I had never been really good at connecting with other people’s babies either and I honestly didn’t feel very attached to the baby that was growing inside my belly – at least not as much as I thought I should. I remember confessing to Marcio how scared I was that I wouldn’t love him as much as I love the cat!
But then he showed his little face, looked at us and my heart instantaneously broke into pieces. Billions of years of evolution to get to living beings as evolved as we are and we’re still designed for the survival of our species to be what matters the most to us.
Let’s stop two seconds to think about it. Having a baby means changing your life for a new life you know nothing about, sharing your day-to-day with a person you don’t know and don’t choose – you don’t even get to decide if it’s boy or girl! And yet, we do it and are usually happy with the change. Amazing.
I was once offered the series Ordinary Victories by Manu Larcenet, where the main character says, looking at his daughter: “We created the person we love the most in this world.” I guess that sums it all up.
I think I’ve never been happier. I didn’t know one outline of a smile could have such an effect on me, that his little fingers gently caressing my skin would be the sweetest sensation, that his eyes seeking mine would be so incredibly rewarding… I’m in love, again.
(And thank you Stina for the photos!)