I’ve always wanted kids. For some reason, holding a baby in my arms is something that’s always felt natural. Maybe this has to do with the fact that I love to cuddle, grasp and hold nearly all kinds of animals since I’m a little girl… I don’t know. But the thing is, I’ve always wanted kids. And I’ve always thought I would have them all by the time I’m 30!
But then I met Marcio, and this urge paradoxically disappeared. Not that I was dating someone I didn’t think was worth having kids with – actually, all the opposite! I guess I was living something that was so special I wanted to selfishly think about myself and my own happiness rather than go to the next step really fast.
But months and years passed, we got married, and that kid desire still wouldn’t come back. It even went the point where I was concerned it ever would! We were travelling, Marcio quit his research career to start his own business, while I kept showing up to my day job trying to find my own path.
When I started the blog back in November 2012, I finally had the feeling that I was taking care of my own case, and though the first months were amongst the most stressful & restless I ever had, this is when I felt ready to have kids. Looking back, I think I’ve been through very classic and natural life stages: I wanted to enjoy my relationship with Marcio before involving a third human being that would necessarily take some special moments away from us, and I wanted to know I was in the right direction professionally speaking before getting involved in something that would—I imagined—leave me less time to think about myself.
By the end of December 2013, I had to go to China for work, and Marcio came with me. It was, against all odds, one of the most relaxing and peaceful holiday we ever had, and at the end of that trip, we looked at each other and said: “Let’s have a baby!”
Many of you already know I got pregnant a few months later. It took us a certain amount of time to get to that point though, and I don’t want to go into details now, but having a baby is not always as systematic as it may sound. I went through a lot during that period that looked like forever – the principal thoughts being “I may not be capable” and “Maybe I’m never gonna be a mum”. Because of course, when you wait to be ready to have a baby, and then finally are, you kind of actually want that baby to come straight away. And if it doesn’t, this is when you start asking yourself whether there’s something wrong with you…
All this to tell you we’re having a baby. I mean, literally: we’re probably having it right now!! And it’s a “he”. I don’t know what to expect, people say “a lot”, but I can’t wait to see what a little mixture of Marcio & I will look like.